i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
