I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
