I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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