I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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