he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
