I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
only you would photoshop your dick
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize