He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
