I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
as a side note pls kill me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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