I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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