I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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