YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
