If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
