So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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