After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i think i have two assholes
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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