I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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