if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
