Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
