My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
