If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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