Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test

Fav 13 3332 695
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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...

Fav 20 7629 2329
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(732): View more from New Jersey

It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club

Fav 14 6301 1315
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people

Fav 28 1784 5712
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(334): View more from Alabama

A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.

Fav 5 1203 1913
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(210): View more from Texas

It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt

Fav 8 1422 901
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.

Fav 5 2293 850
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(614): View more from Ohio

Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it

Fav 0 339 204
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(817): View more from Texas

I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend

Fav 0 16 63
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