Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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