it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
