I accidentally had phone sex last night
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just gargled with NyQuil
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
