she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Nicole vs. Life
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
