dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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