Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
