I think my vagina is haunted
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
