I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
