Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
