we have pet lesbian snakes
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
