I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
