My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
