Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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