great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
