He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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