saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
