Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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