dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
