Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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