I wanna passion pit in your ass
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
