how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Mom said you looked used
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Randomize
