toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
