That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
