someone get that fucking seahorse.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
