rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just invented taco cereal.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
