I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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