So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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