this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
