i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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