I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Randomize
